Lessons of Happiness From Italy

I recently took some time off between finishing school and starting my position as a nurse practitioner. I spent 3 weeks with my family who live in the south of Italy. It was the first time I have spent more than 10 days in a row out of work or school in three years. The days before leaving for Italy my life was frantic -wrapping up school, transitioning my position at work, graduation, etc. I landed in Naples exhausted.

The next morning I woke up in my grandmother’s house with a sense of lightness and liberty that I hadn’t felt since… well, the last time I was in Italy. As I write this I can already feel my readers rolling their eyes and thinking, “great, another Eat Pray Love blog” or “Of course she’s finding her happiness on the beach with an espresso on a Tuesday.” But that’s not what I’m hoping this blog ends up being. See, I love my American life and being in Italy only makes me more grateful for it. I love to work, I love being busy, I love all of the opportunities attainable through dedication, and, I also have come to learn that there is a fine line between living your life to the fullest vs. not being able to keep up with a life that’s consuming and exhausting you. So many people I know in America are racing through an intensive life, which is evidently different than they way Italians live.  I feel the difference every time I travel between the two cultures. I wrote this blog in Italy because after a few days of living more mindfully and taking a moment to appreciate the parts of my life that brought me joy, I felt happier and lighter. I would love to share with you some of my lessons of happiness I learned from my friends and family in Italy.

They don’t give money power

In America we give money so much power and create this idea that it is more important than anything. It is our sense of worth and happiness. We swim in a culture of what there isn’t enough of. How often do you wake up in the morning and your first thought was “I didn’t get enough sleep” then as you get ready for your day, “I don’t have enough time” and as you get dressed, “there isn’t enough in my closet” etc. etc. etc.? And this idea of not having enough of carries us through our days. We feel like we need more, more and more. I’ve noticed that while in America it’s so common to partake in a conversation about not having enough money, or wishing to have more money, in Italy, I don’t think I have ever had such a conversation, nor have I heard anyone else engage in that type of dialogue. Mainly conversations revolve around family, religion and food.  

I invite you to live in a place of sufficiency, like many Italians do. A place of wholeness and completeness with what you already have. A place where your sense of worth comes from your love and relationships with others. A place where your self-worth has nothing to do with income.

Adults play!

My very close friend recently moved out of state and before she left a group of us wanted to get together to wish her goodbye. To find a time to do this was a huge endeavor. We all had to refer to our calendars and “schedule” a time. As a matter of fact, we even had to create a doodle pool (a computerized program that calculates a common time that everyone is free). In the end, a few of us were able to fit in a 2-hour slot for a quick dinner. The way this all went down seemed at the time normal, but as I reflect on it,  I realize how troubling it is that I have to schedule a time to see my friends and family. How many of you do this? When your friends ask you to hang out, do you first grab your cell phone to check your calendar?

This is not at all the way of life in Italy. It is a guarantee that you will see your family and friends throughout the day. That is one of my favorite things about being there- you never know what the day will be end up bringing because no one schedules “time to get together.” It just happens. Adults play. As a matter a fact, every Italian household knows the one cardinal rule- to always have espresso and pastries available to offer in the event that someone is coming over that day.

Would you find it strange if your friend showed up to your house without a scheduled visit?  The American me would probably answer that question “yes.” But the Italian me knows how much happiness it brings when your family and friends show up when you weren’t expecting. So I am making an effort to have an open door policy with my friends and family. One where at all times, I am happy to see you and play. Because it is so important that we break from scheduled work, scheduled time, scheduled meetings, scheduled deadlines, and scheduled fun.

They work to live, rather than live to work.

 I still don’t think my grandmothers fully understand that the standard vacation time in America is 2 weeks per year. Part of me believes they think I make it up because they believe I’m addicted to working. That is because in Italy the norm is at least 6 weeks of vacation, but it’s common to see 10. Most of Europe actually believes that in order to genuinely turn your brain off from work you have to be out of it for more than 3 weeks in a row. Employers will often encourage their staff members to take at least 3 weeks off to relax and recharge and this is considered completely customary.

I understand that policy change is not in our control and I’m not intending to spark any debates here. I simply want to point out the difference I feel in how much more relaxed my friends and family are in Italy vs. my friends and family in the United States. I invite you to evaluate, when was the last time that you didn’t have work on your mind?   

Last year was one of the busiest years of my life. I was working full-time, in a full-time accelerated program, and doing 2 clinical rotations a week. My saving grace was hiking on Saturday mornings. On the hiking trails I had no way of doing work because I had no computer, no phone, and I forced myself for 2 hours to think of nothing other than the nature around me. I made this a habit and it turned into my way of recharging.    

I invite you to make a habit that turns off your brain at least one time per week. Compartmentalize everything that is causing you stress, anxiety, anger or fear. Turn your TV off, close your laptop, and put down your phone. Spend time finding your peace. Maximize your time off. When we change our habits, we change our lives.

They live minimally

It’s been said, and apparently researched, that making your bed in the morning increases your happiness and serenity for the rest of the day. I believe it. Cleanliness creates serenity. It’s hard to have order if we hold onto a lot of things, both physically and mentally and create clutter. Walk into any home in Italy and you will notice order. Why? Because they have small homes, small refrigerators, small closets, small (if any) garages. They fill their lives with only what is necessary for day-to-day living.  Decluttering your home, your desk, your car, you mind, will increase your happiness. Throw out anything that does not serve your happiness.

They eat together
I have to admit, growing up in an Italian household I sometimes wished that we could eat in front of the TV or on the sofa like many of my American friends did. When I was in school and every minute for studying was precious, I often wished that dinner did not have to be a two-hour event. But I have come to appreciate the importance of sitting down together as a family and eating at a table as a way of life. It’s a tradition that is held so important in Italy because it stabilizes the family relationship. Cooking a meal and sitting down to eat it is an absolute routine of day-to-day life. Italians don’t weigh heavily on it as a “to do” act. The day is structured around this norm.

After spending time in Italy I came to realize that each one of us has the power to be happier and to do so does not require a huge radical change in your natural course of life, but rather a simple moment of reflection and appreciation. I hope this blog is able to bring forth some happiness for you.

See you at your next visit!

Yours,

Serena Fasano, WHNP, MPH, CLC